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Super Bowl ad canceled
Big news cannot wait

Cronheim Mortgage unveils new and improved website

Chatham, NJ – Paparazzi lined Main Street today in this bucolic NYC suburb to get a first look at what could be the biggest thing since the discovery of the internal combustion engine, Penicillin and the Cronut. The announcement was expedited and the 90 second ad scrapped due to a suspected North Korean retaliatory data leak.

An unnamed religious leader said, “The last time something generated this much excitement on a tablet there were commandments written on it.”

An old client of the firm, which was founded in 1897 and has closed and committed $579 million of loans in the last 45 days, complained, “I remember when I used to get my interest rates via carrier pigeon – just like the Rothschild’s did in the 1700’s. Why do I need a website?” When asked for comment he was preoccupied outside at a pay phone making a long distance call.


AFC Title Game evidence

NBC was relieved that the ad had been canceled as the announcement was taking attention away from the Super Bowl itself. Bill Belichick, Patriots coach, was recently overheard contacting Cronheim’s CTO to see if they could assist in his attempt to create a magnetic force field to prevent the Seahawks from reaching the end zone. “At the very least I intend to use their services next time I build a real estate project.”

Rumor has it that international financial powerhouses are now maneuvering to invest in the firm. Unconfirmed comments from Mikey (Bloomberg) include, “Such incredible information technology – Libor, Swaps, Japanese & UK treasuries, and Cronheim’s latest deal flow – what a concept! I haven’t been this excited since I tried to ban super-sized sugary soft drinks in NYC.”

The only way to experience it is to click on this link yourself.